Befuddlement Charms
by ParodyQueen
Summary: Utter confusion- Stripping Hermione, Flying Bras, and a very messed up Ron. Rating to be safe.


Disclaimer: Yes, I'm JKR and I just love messing up my characters and posting the results on the internet. It's what I do on my free time. (Sarcasm, people, Sarcasm.)  
  
A/N: I didn't want to ruin my record of having only sirius (hehe) stories on my profile, so I made a new account. Hope it's worth it, you can't blame me if you don't like this because I'm half asleep.  
  
Harry: Guess what everyone!  
  
Everyone: What?  
  
Harry: I've just thought of an idea to get Ron and Hermione together!  
  
Everyone: Oh!  
  
Harry: Cool!  
  
Everyone: Yes!  
  
Ron and Hermione (Walking into common room): What?  
  
Harry: I've just thought of a plan to get you and Ron together!  
  
Ron and Hermione: Oh!  
  
Harry: Cool!  
  
Ron and Hermione: Yes!  
  
Harry: Uh huh.  
  
Ron: But me and Hermione are already together! Heeeeehe!  
  
Hermione: Hermione and I, Ron.  
  
Ron: But how can you be dating yourself? That's just sick and wrong, I'm sorry. By the way, did you know that I can turn into a piece of grass whenever spoilroots are growing between my toes?  
  
Hermione: (Rolls eyes) There's something wrong with him today...  
  
Seamus: So I guess we don't need to get you two together.  
  
(Everyone looks sad)  
  
Draco: (Entering Gryffindor Common room wearing pink pajamas under a tutu. "That's okay! We can have a party instead!  
  
Everyone: Yeh! (Chants) Go Ferret, Go Ferret, Go Ferret!  
  
Draco: All right, I feel so loved that I guess I'll sing a song!  
  
"I wear my pink pajamas in the summer when it's hot,  
  
I wear my pink pajamas in the winter when it's not.  
  
And sometimes in the springtime, and sometimes in the fall,  
  
I jump in bed with nothing on at all!  
  
Glory, glory hallelujah,  
  
Glory, glory hallelujah,  
  
Glory, glory hallelu-u-jah,  
  
With nothin' on at—NOTHIN' ON AT ALL!"  
  
(Everyone claps and whistles)  
  
Ginny: (Whispering) I wonder if he knows that it's spring right now...  
  
Draco: (Screams and starts crying) But I don't want to take off my clothes! Don't make me, Ginny! Pleeeeeeease!  
  
Parvati: (Evil Grin) I'm coming to geeeeeeet you, Draco! I want that shirt off, now!  
  
Crabbe: Oh no!  
  
Everyone: (Gasp)  
  
Neville: Wha- what's wrong with Hermione?  
  
Everyone: (Gasp)  
  
Dean: She's—She's...  
  
Everyone: (Gasp)  
  
Goyle: She's taking off her clothes!  
  
Hermione:  
  
"I'm, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt."  
  
Ron: Nooooooo! Not here! Not now! Later! (Grabs Hermione and makes her put her shirt back on.) Oh, and did you hear about the purple banana which tried to pick my nose?  
  
Hermione: (Screams and makes rude gestures)  
  
Cho Chang: Somebody curse her!  
  
Goyle: Uh...  
  
Crabbe: Uh...  
  
Cho: Uh...  
  
Harry: Uh...  
  
Ron: Uh...  
  
Ginny: Uh...  
  
Neville: (Pulling out wand) Attracto Finito!  
  
Everyone: (Gasp)  
  
Harry: But in five minutes, that'll make her attracted to anyone she sees of the opposite sex, make her speak in a really annoying girly voice, and make no sense whatsoever when she does speak!  
  
Neville: Oops.  
  
Ron: But I don't WANT to live on the cotton candy planet! Make that black silk bra stop hitting me in the face!  
  
Draco: (Smirks in an evil and pale, pointy nosed way) "Who spiked HIS butterbeer?  
  
Dudley, who suddenly appears in common room: ME! ME! I DID IT!  
  
Everyone Else: (Panics and pull Hermione out of the common room and into the hallway)  
  
Hermione: Waaaaaaaaaaaa! Nobody loves me! Waaaaaaaaa!  
  
(Five Minutes Later)  
  
Snape: Granger, what is you shirt doing half off?  
  
Hermione: Snaaaaaaaaaaaapey wuv bug! I was missing my wittle baby SnivvlyPoo! Oh, how I missed missed missed my dinky dointy dolly! Give me an 'S!'  
  
McGonagall: S!  
  
Hermione: Give me a P!  
  
Flitwick: P!  
  
Hermione: Gimme an E!  
  
Dumbledore: E!  
  
Hermione: Gimme a W!  
  
Voldemort: (Holding up a cardboard W) W!  
  
Hermione: What's that spell?  
  
McGonagall, Flitwick, Dumbledore, and Voldemort: Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare!  
  
Hermione: Louder Louder Louder!  
  
Teachers and Voldemort: Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare!  
  
Hermione: One more timey time time!  
  
Teachers and Voldemort: Society for the Promotion of Elvish Weeeeeeelfare!  
  
Hermione: (Smiling) Aww, I wuv you guys! (Hugs everyone but McGonagall)  
  
McGonagall: What about me?  
  
Hermione: Guys being the key word.  
  
McGonagall: Waaaaaaaaa! (Runs to dress up like a guy)  
  
Hermione: (Smiles knowingly)  
  
Soooooo, what's gonna happen? Will McGonagall get her hug? Will Snivelles or Flitwick win Hermione's love? What about Ron, is he all right? Will Ginny help Draco face his fear of green paint? Will I post another chapter? Find out soon! 


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